over the rainbow and in the shadows of your mind

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Dear Fear,
   Dear fear, 
(this is where I want to write about everything and cry and be honest, but I can't because I'm so scared that you'll lash out at me because you think I'm attacking you. when it has nothing to do with you. I honestly really just don't understand my own feelings any more, because I've been told I'm not allowed to feel them, because I was wrong to feel them in the first place! I want help to understand them again but I can't. I have been lashed out on so many times, I don't know how to talk to people. I don't trust people any more! I don't trust my feelings enough to be confident to be honest any more. I hide away and force myself to smile again, because I'm scared to tell anyone how scared and hurt and confused I am, this way so no one can hurt my feelings I'm not suppose to feel and I can pretend I'm safe from you. I knew at the time my feelings were right, how did you do this to me? how could you do this to me? how do I trust them again? how do I smile and laugh again? what am I suppose to do now?)


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