over the rainbow and in the shadows of your mind

Dear Fear,
   Dear fear, 
(this is where I want to write about everything and cry and be honest, but I can't because I'm so scared that you'll lash out at me because you think I'm attacking you. when it has nothing to do with you. I honestly really just don't understand my own feelings any more, because I've been told I'm not allowed to feel them, because I was wrong to feel them in the first place! I want help to understand them again but I can't. I have been lashed out on so many times, I don't know how to talk to people. I don't trust people any more! I don't trust my feelings enough to be confident to be honest any more. I hide away and force myself to smile again, because I'm scared to tell anyone how scared and hurt and confused I am, this way so no one can hurt my feelings I'm not suppose to feel and I can pretend I'm safe from you. I knew at the time my feelings were right, how did you do this to me? how could you do this to me? how do I trust them again? how do I smile and laugh again? what am I suppose to do now?)

life so far
wow... RULE 65643135181361 do not date needy ANY ONE! wow... -sighs- I have never felt more claustrophobic in such a long time! what is wrong... Like I have been in really bad situations in relationships.. cheaters, beaters, leavers, blah blah blah.. and now the needy. I have yet to find some one that that clicks with me. I almost found it.. but wow control freak! pity. oh well.. back to the needy one. sad thing is really love him, BUT I can't stand this... over controlling needy guy! I mean... he's great, but when it comes down to what's important I can't see myself with him. it's sad really. he's living with his dad, and he's no better. I'm trying to be nice, but I don't think nice is the way to go. seeing I told him I didn't want to be in a fast relationship, and he wants to move in together 3 months down the road. I know.. he's in hurry, I know, but he said he wasn't going to rush me and... now he's rushing me.. 
Well, let me know
five minutes later he's texting my sister wondering why I'm not messaging him back anything..
(_ _ ) help me... I have been thinking a lot about it.. and I think i'm just going to have to tell him straight out.. how I feel about it.

To the boredom
i'm not on here to feel sorry for myself. I've been doing that for 7 months. I just felt the need to reach out to the world. no one took me seriously when i tried to kill myself. ... for the 3rd time. I think i just needed to write out my feelings and expose them to the world.
I know deep down in side no one will see this. no one will say something... and the more i seem to try to be seen the less i am.
I guess i got my childhood wish, to be invisible.
and how a lonely world it is.

I haven't been on here in the longest of times. I stopped writing and bloging.
I have been so lost in this world. I thought it was love and I believe I'm just making myself confused.
I have lost what I feared to have lost.
twice now.
Now just as I was getting back on my feet the carpet has been taken out from under me once again.
It is hard to smile and laugh. when you feel like some one is choking you and still each day I find a good reason to smile. even though i can loose sight of my grin from time to time. I still keep on going.
I will admit that last winter the snow was stained with tears and blood.
I had almost lost my way to the point of no returning. over some one that wasn't worth my life, and I almost didn't see it.
I do not know if there is a god, or many. I do not know if there is more than what we have now is all we are going to have. Do i believe in god. yes but I believe i do just so i can blame some one other than myself. If fate was true and this is his divine plan why would he choose me to see only suffering in my life. why would he do the horrible things he has done to me to me. is it a joke? what had i done to deserve this?
who knows?
no one. not even I.
I don't believe god controls our lives. if he loved us all then there was no way he would allow any of these horrible things to happen. maybe people of god would believe it was god that stayed my hand from cutting myself deeper. no. It was because the glass i used was too short and I just missed my vein. just.
anyways..I felt like ranting. It's all i can do right now. I'm pinned in the corner, my back against the wall. i'm drowning. and no one is helping me. no one can or will lend me their shoulder to cry on they arms to hold me and just say it's okay. it'll work out.
i feel like one day i'm going to just disappear and i suppose that is my new fear.
maybe what i really am scared of is to be happy? who knows...

Writer's Block: I scare myself
What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is to loose my love to another. i had feared death, but now seeing that life is not worth living with out the man i love and life for!

Writer's Block: Jackpot
If you won the lottery, what would you do with your newfound riches?
If i won the lotter i would leave this fucking place and all the assholes!
causing getting kicked out of your place on your birthday, then not even
making it a month in your new place cause you laugh TOO much..




have a great b-day baby!!! i wish i could be there to spend the day with you!!
talking to you know and.. i know you know but.. I HATER HER!!!!!


Shinshi Ree Voc. (F)

Zee Ree R.G. (F)

Suri Ree Ba. (M)

Toma Dr. (M)

Comra L.G. (M)

Tinx Talk show host (M)

Sally Driver (M)

Suki Sally's wife (F)

Hotmi Hostess (F)

John America student (M)

Hori Super intendant, (M)

Tess Door man (M)

miss Miako Wiika(Ree) Suri's wife.

Shinshi grinned at the crowd, as she and her band 'scandalous' finished they're grand tour!! A beads of sweat fell from her brow as she continued to look over the crowd, as her band mates, drummer Toma, left guitarist Zee, right guitarist and second vocals Comra, and their bassist Suri, made their way to the front to join her.

    Suri struck up one final zing to his sound before placing his baby down, kissing the hot strings. Zee laughed at him, placing her guitar down following Comra. Toma fell from the Drummer stage, scaring Zee. Toma jumped up for a quick recover, the crowd cheering him on!! Shinshi laughed nervously at him, as did everyone else, asking him if he was ok. Toma rubbed his head and nodding in reassurance.

Then taking their hands in hands, they turned to their beloved fans and bowed and blew kisses to them. Toma and Shinshi always did their best not to cry!!! Always failing, and having Zee, Coma, and Suri rolling their eye's at them. Then took their leave.

    Shinshi ran around, and down the stairs back and jumped up onto Suri's back.

    “OI, OI, OI, OI!!!!” He fought her every time!! but gave up!! “JUST because i'm your brother DOESN'T give you the rights to use me as a horse!!!!” he growled!!

    Shinshi laughed, and hugged her brother and got off!

    “yea yea!!!” she sang as they passed some of the crew! She winked and flirted as did Zee, they pulled a dual flirtation with them causing one of them to run into the wall and Suri and Comra to growl and Toma laughed, then ran into a wall himself. Suri tilted his head at Toma, seeing if he was all right. then leading him as Toma rubbed his face.

    “do you two have to do that every time we pass them.. it's no wonder we go through so many crewmen.” Comra growled pulling Zee along.

    Shinshi giggled and waved away Suri as they walked into the dressing room “Well what would be the point of our name if we weren't a bit flirtatious?” she winked at him, causing Suri to glare at her... "Suri calm your self!!" Shinshi, picked up a water bottle, "you know my job is my relationship!! Besides!! Zee would be AHHHH” Shinshi was tackled to the floor by Zee.    

    The boys watched tilting their heads, all but Toma who was pulling them apart. Shinshi was being held back by Toma. Comra finally lent a hand and held back Zee...

Suri laughed, which never happened too often, and everyone stopped and stared at him. “you girls are going to look just awful when Tinx gets in here to.. “ he didn't even need to finish his sentence Shinshi and Zee were at the mirror, and fixing their selves up.

Suri picked up his bass and stared to play the theme from JAWS. Comra Laughed and fixed himself up a bit. Toma was in there too, freaking out more than Shinshi or Zee!!

then as Shinshi laid across the table, satisfied with her self, as Tinx burst through the door!!

“KONBAN WA!!!!* Tinx shrieked, causing Shinshi to scream and fall off the table!!! Getting up and peeking over! Tinx was a tall scrawny guy, with a semi Mohawk. His sides were shave but plenty of hair on the top, spiked off to the side! He wore his regular baggy clothes, and combat boots!

“SOOOoooo,” he spoke into the camera “we're here spitting at ScAnDaLoUsS” he squealed into the camera again. Spinning around “AND they are looking FABULOUS!!” he strutted over to Suri who glared hard at him. Which made him spin to Shinshi, “Shinshi DARLING... is your brother EVER going to own up to his feeling and become mo -” Poor Tinx, didn't get to finishing his sentence, Suri was about to punch him in the face, but Shinshi jumped over the table, Toma, Comra and Zee jumped at him, tackling him down! Tinx giggled and watched them. “SO” he knelled down, smiling sheepish. “are you all happy about how your second world tour has gone?”

Comra getting up from the dog pile and sat on top of the bunch, smiling “O COURSE!!”he laughed, as Shinshi crawled out, and agreed.

“Everything went smooth and GREAT!! but you know.. what REALLY made this tour.. this moment right now!!!' Shinshi laughed “AND the REAL reason is our great fans!!! cause you know what with out them there really is no scandless!!!” Shinshi and everyone became serious and agreed. Even though everyone was on top of Suri.. they were very serious about it!!

Tinx asked them a few more questions and had ended the interview with Suri chasing him out with Zees Guitar!!! which set her off and Comra calmed her down. Toma was upset that Tinx never paid attention to him and always to Suri!! Suri laughed.

“Oh come on Toma!! for one!!! you're gonna get a MUCH better looking guy!! AND SECOND!!! i'd have to kill him every time i saw him.. it just wouldn't work out baby doll!!” Suri, may have been an ass most the time, but when it came down to his band!! nothing was more important!! Shinshi and Zee were his blood, BUT Comra, and Toma were his brothers!! this band was his family!! Nothing came between that!

Toma beamed as he got dressed. Looking at him self. Then kinda felt down again “it's over again.” he looked said at his band mates.

Suri laughed again, “like hell it is you know that!!”

“you DAM straight Zee is going to give us that 6 am wake up call!!! like she does EVER time we finish a tour.. owe” Comra rubbed his chest, where, Zee elbowed him.

“WELL maybe this time i wont call!!!” She flipped her hair and looked to the side. Comra grinned and leaned over her shoulder, whispering slightly

“well, at less call me! I'll be waiting for it!” He gently brushed his face against hers as he stepped away! Zee blushed and tried to hid it..

“yea.. and I'll be waiting to.. “Suri glared “with my BAT!!”

“BACK off .....” Shinshi yawned, as she stretched. “lets go home!!!” she whined.

“Hai hai!!!” Toma agreed. Hugging Shinshi as they walked out. Suri, light a cigarette, and followed, Comra, and Zee did the same, smiling softly at one another.

Cameras flashed continuously, almost blinding everyone but Suri. He was wearing his shades. They all walked pasted the media, ignoring the questions, and pilled into the van!

“so boys?” Sally. The driver was always calling them that! He was a short chunky man, and always smiling. Scandless loved him! Took him every where they had to drive and refused to let anyone else drive them! He used to be an equipment transporter for big movies before their personal driver. Toma came across him, and had to share him with the rest of the band! “we going to you're in town homes or, the country side?”

“In town!!” they all called out.

“it's closer and one stop.” Shinshi added. “we know you'd love to get home to the misses! Isn't she due soon?” Everyone leaned in to hear what he had to say

“Dam straight! Can't wait!” He laughed pulling out, getting into the traffic “hell neither can Suki! She's been ready since two months ago! Though I'm dam glad she loves you guys, she aint not once complained about me driving around!”

Everyone smiled. When Suki had false labor they had him home in a heart beat and put a emergency hold on the tour! Which luckily at the time wasn't that big of a problem they were moving between towns and had a few days before the HAD to be anywhere!! so they recouped.. well Suri went back with Sally, to try and cover it up, but that didn't work out as well as they had planed. Although it seemed that Comra did the recouping, and the other three were all over the phone!

They're in town home was luckily all in one building! Toma and Shinshi owned the building. They built it together as a surprise project. Suri thought they were seeing one another. Which pissed him off till he found out the surprise. He loved it! He never liked them all living so far apart!! everyone lived in all different ends of town, and took several hours to get anywhere!

Now they're out of town country side home was really Suri's get away. Well.. he put his money into getting a nice place of land, and built himself a small village. That's where everyone went to go get away from everyone here in town. They did that regularly when they came back from a tour! Or well anything that dealt with the media. No one knew it yet but, something they were all worried about was Suki. And the media!! they made a HUG fuss over sending him back and then when they came out as false labor there was another stink made about it. So Suri had been working with Suki, behind everyones backs, to have a private place in his villa so she'd be at peace with the baby. The False labor was all over the news for days' and they harassed her even after it was done. He couldn't believe it and it was no way for her to have to live, just because her husband drove them!

It was an hour before they arrived at their building 'No Place” Toma and Shinshi giggled every time they came home. The building was for the average person. They picked those who lived there personally. They were good people that needed the brake. To help them get through some really bad times, and some leave, very great full, others are still working on getting to that place, and some .. just know this is the blessing they really needed! Also no one of the public knew that they lived there.. they had there own entrance, and for some reason no one seemed to notice yet.

John. An American boy, wanting to learn the cultural, was one of the sups, they had. He was gifted with the rench, and was dam polite! They're other Super intendant, Hori Love him. He was skeptical at first, but warmed up to him quickly!

Then there was Hotmi, they're hostess, one of five they had. Even though it was a building. They wanted a hostess just to make it just a bit more friendly.

Then there was Malta, Jean and Tess. Their door men. Toma picked them. They had girlly names and manly bodies. Shinshi didn't argue!!! She was just happy they were nice and mean all in one!!

Sally dropped the band off, and they waved bye to him. Suri nodded to everyone.

“i'm gonna get a paper.. and check my mail!” Suri sucked back the last of his cigarette and stomped it out! “night” he kissed Zee and Shinshi good night. Toma leaned in for one and Suri, laughed and pushed him away “Good night, good night!” he smiled back at them and pushed the side door, which happened to be a wall that led to the staff room of their staff.

Suri laughed to him self. John was sleeping on the sofa there. As quiet as possible closing the wall door. Then Hori came out from the bath room rubbing sleep out of his eyes and then suddenly saw Suri standing there.. and screamed!! grabbing his heart and the counter. John screamed out of his sleep and fell off the sofa.

Hotmi rushed in along with Tess. Hotmi smiled and laughed as she walked back out to the front. Tess asked if everything was ok. Then walked back out to the lobby himself.

“i'm sorry my man.. i was trying not to wake the boy” Suri was smiling. Which was scaring Hori more than just coming out from no where.

“Suri san was your concert good?” John asked, smiling.

“hai hai.. it was really great! Good to be home though. But guy's what are you doing here so late?” Suri's Serious face came out. But before John or Hori would answer they just titled their heads as they watched Shinshi sneak out from the wall and scare the living day lights out of Suri.. who fell on the floor, screaming.

Again Tess and Hotmi came in, both shook their heads and walked away. Shinshi was holding her sides laughing so hard she fell over on to the floor.

“ you should have seen your face” she laughed rolling on the floor

“oh shut up!! Jezz...” Suri got up fixing him self. Then the heard some commotion coming from out side! Even Shinshi stopped laughing and they went out to see what was going on.

It was about one of they're new attendants. She was a single mother with a son he wasn't even one yet. A man had her by the arm and had just struck Hotmi. Tess wasn't around. Which didn't make sense. Suri marched in there and punched the man in the face.. which caused the man to fall back, letting go of the woman. the man look down at his bloody hand from his nose. Then Suri hit him again, and he passed out, falling to the floor. Suri waved his fist around a bit it was sore from his show earlier now twice having to hit a man. he kept his cool though and turned to the woman, she was trying to calm the baby down...

"oh i'm soo sorry.. are you alright?" the woman asked Hotmi, then looked to Suri who smiled at her. She blushed slightly and asked if he was ok.

"oo yea i'll be fine!!" he smiled and waved her worries away.. then when the man moaned on the floor, Shinshi came over.

"the police are on they're way. Hotmi you ok?" she put her hands on her shoulder and looked over her face

"oh no please it's alright.. we don't need to involve the police please.. . we'll move out an-"

"dont be ridiculous!" Suri blurted out.. and then went red, looking to the floor. "ah... well.. i mean.."

"Suri.. why don't you help miss Wiika to her room!! she has her hands full her son, and now the bags are ripped for her groceries now.. " Shinshi smiled as she helped Hotmi pick things up.

"oh yea.. i guess sure!* he nodded taking the broken bags and headed to the elevator with Miss Wiika, who was still trying not to have the police involved, as she calmed her son down. Suri smiled lightly and reassured her that everything was alright.

Shinshi looked over at the man laying on the ground. “where is Tess?” she asked Hotmi. Before looking at her.

“i'm not sure. I just know that he stepped out side, then a moment later Miss Wiika came in and i was going to help her with her things. Then that man came busting in..” Hotmi explained as they both walked to the front.

Shinshi, stayed back a bit, from the door. It would be stupid to get caught out side and blow the cover of everything they worked for.

Hotmi came in not too long after, helping Tess who seemed be taken by surprise.

“Miss Ree. I'm sorry .. that bastard got me from behind.” Shinshi, never seen Tess so embarrassed. She smiled and raised her hand.

“No Tess, it really is ok. I think Suri has finaly found an some one he fancies” she laughed remembering how her brother blushed looking at Miss Wiika. Tess was lost for words, but smiled as hotmi sat him down.

“miss Ree, maybe you should go, the police will be her any minute.” Hotmi suggested.

Shinshi gasped when she realized she was right. She nodded and handed everything to Hori. Who acted as the owner since Shinshi and Toma, didn't wish to be found out from they're adoring and loving fans!! that wasn't the point of No Place.

Hori walked over to the man who was about to get up and hit him again. Nodding to Shishi as she went to the back. Going back through the wall, to the privet elevator.

As she went up she tried to think. Why wouldn't miss Wiika want to have the police involved. It didn't make much sense. She gasped when the elevator stopped on the wrong floor. Holding her breath, when the doors opened. Sighing loudly when it was Suri.

“you ass!!!” she whispered. As he got in, waiting for the doors to close.

“sorry. I thought it was best since the police were down stairs to come through here, don't you think?” he smirked. Leaning against the wall.

Shinshi grinned and tilted her head and pointed at Suri. “you have lipstick on your lips.”

Instant RED. Suri, chocked on his words, and froze. Shinshi on the other hand sighed and became serious.

“so are you REALLY going to tell me who she is?” she blinked at him. Suri sighed in serenader and his whole body sagged.

“my wife..” he said quietly, Shinshi fainted.

slowly Shinshi came to groaning, and rubbing her head, someone was fanning her. She opened her eyes and there was Suri. She slapped him. Slapped him hard.

“WIFE!!!” she felt faint again, and started to cry.

Suri, held his face for a second. “not exactly. That's my son. We're not married. Actually we.. ah..” he sat down next to his sister and held his hands between his knees and slightly rocked back and forth.

It just seemed to get worse for Shinshi. She never thought she would be an Aunt.. in one second.

Then finally Suki spoke up “Shinshi. That's Miako..”

Shinshi gasped. Miako...Suri's love. From high school, well for ever. Since the very second they met one another. But Miako was in an arranged marriage before she was even conceived and Suri couldn't be proven to be more worthy than Miako's betrothed.

“h-how..?” Shinshi held her throat looking at her baby brother, all teary eyed.

Suri smiled lightly, and looked up at his sister again. “I proven my self, haven't I? I went to her father the day of their wedding, and asked if i was too late to be proven other wise. Her father laughed and said never. Then..” Suri got all excited just talking about it, which Shinshi hadn't seen in the longest of times. “her father turns to me, and said. Boy, in my eye's you were more worthy than that bastard that her mother chose. Don't be curl to my future grandchildren hai hai.” Suri laughed slightly to himself. Looking off to the wall like he was standing there in that moment all over again. Smiling to himself.

“So we didn't miss the wedding. I would have had killed you. You know that.” then suddenly Shinshi started to cry, she couldn't help her self. It just happened. She wrapped her arms around Suri, who was puzzled beyond anything.

“what's wrong? Are you ok?” he held her back.

“Hai, this is just SO over whelming...” she pulled back and smiled at him. “I'm an Aunt, and.. you're the BIGGEST scandal in the band.. you hypocrite!!!” She laughed and so did Suri. He hugged her and cried a little.

“i wanted to tell you SO badly, but Miako, said you would cancel the concert, and then there would have been FAR too much gossip. She didn't need that!!” Suri smiled.

“Oh brother you have no worries with me.. you should know that.” she laughed and leaned back, smiling to her self. “so.. this is the reason you've been working with Suki, on that .. land” she grinned as he chocked again on his words and ogled her. “that's right you can't keep too much from this cat. I was already on Miako...”

Suri laughed and shook his head. “still best get to bed...Zee will be knocking sooner than later.. oh my god..Zee..” Suri looked rather pale.

Shinshi sat there with a little evil smile, trying not to get sick form being over excited.. “ooo you remembered... BUT.. don't worry about it. Tomorrow, I'll have breakfast at my place ... and you go to your Miako, and bring her around. Cause you're going to HAVE to tell everyone. ALSO... Toma. Is you're REAL issue” She laughed and left her brother sitting there mortified.

Shinshi, smiled and walked to her place... but soon the smile faded, as she thought more about it. Resting her head against the elevator, before it dinged, opened and she went to up to her apartment. Leaning against the wall, she started to think.

maybe.. soon..

it would just be her in the band.


everyone else would move on.. leaving her.

Then memories of her, Suri's and Zee's child hood came back.

The three of them alone. Mother ran off. Their father died.. long before Zee could even remember her or him. Shinshi was the oldest, and kept them from a lot of things. She was sure that Suri and Zee don't remember all the beatings and hardships that they went through. Or at less she prayed. Then one day their mother was gone.. no note, no money, nothing of a good bye or fare well. Shinshi wont ever tell her brother and sister what she did to keep them going. It was never sex. But steeling. Cleaning next to nothing... little 'jobs' here and there. Things she did she wasn't happy she did, but nothing came between her and her family, and like hell was she going to let anyone tare it apart.

That's how they came across Toma and Comra. Comra is Toma's half brother. Even though Toma doesn't know that. Comra had only confined with Shinshi about that. The two of them, Comra, and Shinshi met on a 'job'. Even for a girl she was always tough, but not too tough. She was quick for the most part, and she knew that's all she had going for her. One night she was in trouble and Comra was there and helped her out. He didn't ask for anything. Though they kept running into one another. Never on purpose. It just happened.

The last time, before they became good friends, Shinshi, saw Comra walking then stopped and leaned against a pool and looked across the street. He had lite up a cigarette. Which always made Shinshi stick out her tongue in discuss. Shinshi came up to him scaring him, as she greeted him. Asking what he was doing? Comra, then confessed about Toma.

Toma was in a foster care. he didn't know his mother nor his father. the bastard who managed to adopt him only ever beat him, and kept him submissive. Keeping him Quiet. Comra though, had always been a bad boy and ran away from the orphanage. it wasn't till he started to get curious about who he was, when he broke into the orphanage, and found out about Toma. now like Shinshi, he felt like he had a responsibility for find Toma, and make sure he was ok.

Comra had always been good at what he did. never went hungry. was always bright. he made every one he ever worked for think they were the underlings even though they were the boss.

Once Comra found Toma, he moved his base, and enrolled himself, up at the same school as Toma. he stayed away from him, and watched him. for a while he thought maybe things were ok, and he didn't need to even involve himself in Toma's life. Then he found out the truth. he hated himself for not being properly prepared too. he almost dropped out of school, but if he did he would loose contact with Toma. Then he realized that he couldn't just take Toma out from his house! he's never even talked to him. it was months, before Comra could do anything, and that's what nearly killed him. he hardly got any sleep from the knowing of what was going on. Then finally he made progress. Comra talked to Toma.. it was awkward at first, but progress. Comra just sat down next to Toma in the hall that he ate alone at. Toma quietly warned him that he would be picked on if anyone saw. Comra's anger got the best of him and yelled.

do you think i care if they do!" he was mortified when he saw how upsetting that was for Toma. Comra looked away and said he was sorry.

they didn't really talk for about a week. when Toma asked why he was sitting there.. when he didn't even talk to him. Comra felt like kicking everyone's ass when he saw how bashful Toma was. how quiet he was. he was SO quiet, Comra piratically had to put his ear over Toma's mouth to hear anything. Comra just said it 'cause I'm your.. friend..' he had wanted to say family. he wanted to so badly, but ever time he rolled it in his head the out come never turned out well for him. so he left at that. they talked more though. which was a start.

then from what Comra had told Shinshi, it was about two weeks after that Comra found bruises on Toma. Who tried to cover it up. it was the first time Toma had ever yelled. it was also when Comra stopped going to school.

Shinshi didn't know Toma too well to begin with but Zee did. She always had a crush on him too. Shinshi didn't know much of anything about the school. she had too much to deal with. though she did TRY to listen and keep up with everything. Suri...

Shinshi smiled thinking about to how helpful he was. it's like he knew but would have never asked.

he looked after Zee in a way to keep her from guessing.. from .. anything. just to keep her happy. there were hardly any fights. which was great. Zee always thought it was normal. for just them three. no parents. As far as she was concerned, it was better that way.

Suri knew Comra.. they weren't the same age, but since Comra was missing a lot of classes and slept a lot at school, he was 'held back' a year to make up for the 'absences'. which Shinshi and everyone was just a grudge the principle had against him. He never talked to him though. Suri was always someone that watched and learned.. then acted. he was good at that.

Shinshi remembered that day so well. She was just heading out. Suri stood at her door. which scared her. he wasn't suppose to be home.

"Shin.." Suri spoke like it was so natural. Scaring Shinshi to death. she screamed and fell over the bed trying to get away. Suri laughed, and tried to say sorry. then finally he calmed down.
 "i'm sorry.. but.. i thought you would like to know. i've seen that Comra kid, around. not at school but down on 75th Ave." he helped her up.

"75th.. that's ... really out of the way.. what were you doing down there?" Shinshi crossed her arms, and narrowed her eyes. "and why aren't you at school... what about Zee?"

Shinshi still laughed about that. it was a pro-d day. school was out early. she had forgotten.

Suri had to explain about the 57th though. this is where Shinshi found out that Zee was crushing on Toma. the events that followed seemed .. so strange..She was to go to 57th Ave that day to collect... that's when they all became .. family.

Toma was coming home, this night. Comra called out to him, as Shinshi and Comra stood at the lamp post. Toma had jumped. Almost out of his skin. He smiled weakly at Comra, after the shock wore off. he seemed some what surprised and happy all at once.

  Comra grabbed Shinshi's hand, and dragged her across the street. Toma, was so shy he tried to hide; he almost ran away. But Comra, caught him. Pleaded him not to leave. He then turned to Shinshi and finally asked for something. Even though he never knew that they would again see each other, never wanted anything from her, asked to take Toma home with her. Shinshi smiled and accepted of course. Toma was so scared, but with Comra he seemed ok. he didn't want to leave with Shinshi, but Comra swore to him that she was a good person and would take care of him.

Shinshi didn't disagree, nor ask what or why.. just did what she was asked. After all the times he saved her ass, how could she not.

Shinshi finally did leave with Toma. Leaving Comra with Toma's keys. Even to this day no one asks what happened. Why he was wearing different clothes, when he met up with them later.

Though Shinshi had to admit bringing Toma home was an event all on it's own. Zee nearly murdered Shinshi for not telling her. She wasn't home yet with Suri, and when the did arrive Shinshi was in Suri's room making up a bed. Toma was in the shower.

Suri met up with Shinshi asking her what was going on?

we have a couple new family members.” Shinshi smiled at him. Who Suri was NOT pleased with. But before he could say anything there were two screams from Shinshi room.
Shinshi laughed and held her knees thinking back to that moment.
Zee thought Shinshi was in the shower. When it was Toma. She was so embarrassed, and so was he. It took hours to calm ever one down, things didn't get better when Comra finally came around. Suri got into his face. Zee started to cry and that was it. Suri let them stay. they spent all that night drinking. It was the first night of summer holidays. Suri was begging for Shinshi to take him along with her. But he was so not letting that happen. She still hated Comra for telling Suri if he wanted he could come with him. He wasn't planing on going back to school. Shinshi only agreed if Suri promised to go back to school. Which later she found out that Miako was really the reason why he wanted a job, as well as to go to school. It was the only way he could see her and talk to her.

Zee and Shinshi were the first to find out about Toma being gay. Shinshi was the one that figured it out on her own when they all went to the beach.

One of Shinshi's fondest memories.. the beach... the ground zero of scandalous....

Shinshi and Toma scouter the beach for a spot to part. Next to no one was there. So it was pretty hard to figure out... which no land they wanted. Comra and Suri had grown to like one another enough, and Zee seemed to loose almost all interest in Toma.

They had been living together for almost two months and after all of Zees wining of wanting to go to the beach paid off. Since the moment Comra heard she wanted to really go he made Shinshi take a day off. It wasn't like she didn't drag Toma there. It was hard at frst if it wasn't for Comra he more than likely wouldn't have gone. Shinshi even noticed the interests that Comra was taking in Zee. He was worse than Suri to bowing to her wishes. Toma was about the only one that didn't, nor her self. When Zee came and wined that Toma wouldn't go to the beach with her, Shinshi told her to back off then. He didn't have to do what she wanted. Which Toma seemed to enjoy. From then on he was a little more open to Shinshi. He would ask her... how she was. Then walk away. Or that it was nice out. Then walk away. You could never seem to get him to say anything. Nothing more than a nod. But that day ground zero, was the day Toma said just a little more than nothing. Shinshi would ask him he would point then she would say 'I don't know... what about over there?' they finally settled on a part in the sun and out of the sun near the water. Suri and Comra were hunting one another down with water guns. Zee would scream when cold water hit her from behind from Comra. then would get hit from Suri


Angel of darkness. part 8

it seemed like days since the elegant man had come back. The long haired man didn't care though. The only thing that concerned him was that his hunger was starting to express it's need. The long haired brunette had gone a long time since he starved himself.


Even though Asagi had hound him he did his best to ignore the man, and Aoi disappeared. He locked himself away with in a coffin to rot with nothing but the hounding memories of his past for company. It wasn't till much later, Aoi wasn't too sure as to how long time had gone by, but yet again another Vampire had found him. By mistake Aoi was sure of it.

The sound of the cement slab moving above Aoi's head awoke him from his sleep. Then a thud as something crawled into with him. Just on top of his coffin. Aoi was not in the mood to be kind to fun loving kids. As far as he was concerned this was his grave, he was hungry anyways. But there there was a knock. Aoi became confused.

“Oi... you in there.. look I need some where's to crash for the day light. May I join you?” It was a heavy spunky male accent.

“piss off.” Aoi growled.

Which in return he got a growl. “Now, now. That's no way to treat an elder.. let me in or you'll regret it!”

“Like I give a fuck old man. I've been in here for god only knows how long and I don't want company! GOT IT?” Aoi snarled. Like hell he was going to have some punk old or not take over his personal space.

But Aoi didn't have much of a choice, a hand came threw the wooden lid, and then almost around Aoi's throat.

“....Aoi?” they both froze...

“how do you know me?” Aoi whispered, in a lost voice.

“I know our brother Ruki.. you almost have the same sent.” the man chuckled in almost disbelief.

“OUR? Brother?” Aoi growled lightly. Watching the hand retreat to see a set of golden eyes, and a cocky grin.

“Hai he talked a lot about you. Saving his ass and all. F.Y.I that Asagi.. hasn't been seen in along time. Just like you.” the golden eyes smiled looking over Aoi.

“why do I have a feeling your a loving person that's going to make me sick?” Aoi glared slightly. Looking up at the man.

“how about.. I'm going make you come home?” the man grinned. And held out a cell phone. “OR I'll make ruki do it.... should text him anyways!” he chuckled and Aoi kicked up the lid of the coffin hitting the other Vampire against the cement cover. The Vampire growled, Aoi could smell the blood. Then before Aoi knew it there was no lid, the other vampire came threw it, and tried attacking Aoi.

With out any struggle, even for lake of blood, Aoi had the other pinned to the wall of his coffin. They fought for a moment then something sound off that made Aoi jump, and be very still.

“Excuse me a moment..”the other gasped as Aoi strangled him. He flipped open his phone and wheezed trying to sound normal as possible.

“Oi.. ruki..” the man chocked slight, but Aoi gasped as he heard his brothers name, slightly easing his grip, slightly. “yea.. I was trying to text.. fucker... “ the vampire growled at Aoi which of course only tightened his grip. “Make him... stop.. Aoi.. R-u-k-i....” the man gasped then out of the darkness Aoi heard his brothers voice...


Aoi chuckled but then the tone in his brothers voice dropped.

“Aoi.. brother... come back please. I miss you. We all miss you. I know.. and I don't want to bring up the past man... but I think you should come home now... please... I miss your sorry ass.” Ruki chuckled, and Aoi smiled, then took the cell from the other Vampire. Letting him go.

“About fu-” Aoi strangled him again.

“Aoi.. let him go. He means well he's a lot like you in some ways.” Ruki chuckled just knowing what possible things Aoi could be doing to the poor little brother of theirs.

“I don't know I like this shade of purple on him.” Aoi grinned.

“He's family brother.”

That's all Ruki had to say. Aoi let him go.

“How did that manage?” Aoi stroked the other's hair.

The other Vampire looked confused then grinned. “so it's true personality wise.. Miyavi.” the other held out his hand, and Aoi took it.

“Call my Yuu.” they both nodded and Ruki laughed on the other line.

“don't ask don't tell.” Ruki sighed. “where are you hiding? It must be fucking low, if Miyavi found you.”

“HEY!” Miyavi growled hearing his brother smash him. “it's a nice set up he has here Ruk. Nice cemetery. Real SHITTY BO-” Aoi grinned strangling the man again.

“Sorry.” Aoi grinned, letting the man go.

“Careful Aoi.. that man is walking Viagra... you're more than likely turning the little fucker on.” Ruki chuckled.

“well.. is he a good lay?” Aoi grinned

“I'm the fucking master brother!” Miyavi grinned. “I'm not king Miyavi for nothing mother fucker.”

Before Miyavi could say anything Aoi had him twisted around and his hard cock grinding against Miyavi's ass. Which made him Growl

“Aoi he doesn't uke.” Ruki chuckled into the phone

“neither do you. But that never stopped me before.” Aoi chuckled

“FUCK NO! RUKI UKED?!” Miyavi looked over at Aoi with star light eyes.


“I'm coming for you next little brother!” he chuckled into the phone. Ruki was silent on the other line. Which made Aoi grin. “then we'll see about that.”

Ruki whispered “fuck..”

“see you soon.” Aoi chuckled as he hung up the phone then turned all his attention to the new brother of the family. “welcome to the family.” he grinned.

The long haired man shifted in his chair. He had a hard on now, and his inner voice was growling about it.

“oh.. smooth” the voice groaned. Rolling around with the long haired mans mind, groping himself.
The long haired man chuckled. He didn't mind the pressure in fact he knew the more the continued down this path of thought he would pop anyways.


Angel of Darkness part 8

“do you like your clothes? They look very good on y-”

“They belong to your lover, and i'm not him... so i'd get you a shovel but” the long haired brunette chuckled, as he jiggled his arms showing he was bond up

“Well, just be great full!” the other man was irritated again. “you know..I'll keep you here till you come around my love” the man smiled stroking a long pail finger along the long haired brunettes jaw. The long haired brunette growled and managed to hurt himself as he jerked away from the mans finger.

The elegant voice returned as the man snickered walking around the long haired man. Stopping just be hind him. The elegant voice leaned forwards wrapping a long pale arm wrapped in black silk. “Just be so lucky.. I'll wait. I care enough not to rape you.. yet.”

The long haired man snarled, and the man removed his arm quickly, leaving the room laughing loudly.

There was loud knocking at the door of Aoi's place. It didn't stop, till Aoi forced himself out of his depression enough to make it to the door.

“Tristan?” Aoi was blood shot eyes and a red nose. Something was different about the man. Something.. . In the air was different. Not to mention the fact that he was passing. “Tristan? What's.. going on?”

“I'm.. sorry about Shou.. I heard...” Tristan gripped his head and kept pacing around the room.

Aoi groaned.. and his head fell back. He was getting hard, he looked down “What the.. fuck.. Trist-” Aoi felt so lightly headed. He fell to his knees.

Tristan took Aoi's face in his hands and kissed him roughly, and whispered “I'm sorry.. I.. I love you .. I need you.. right now..” Tristan was breathing heavily, Aoi tried to fight him, but was in no condition to do anything. He felt like a rag doll, he flopped his arms around trying to stop Tristan. Tristan carried Aoi to the couch and sat him up. He straddled Aoi's lap, and grind against him. Moaning loudly. Aoi's head feel back. No matter what happened he couldn't move! The two shadows and himself stared in horror of what was happening.

With all his strength he pleaded Tristan to stop..

“Please... Tris... stop..” he groaned closing his eyes.

“I wanted you.. I wanted... you and me.. a family.. I'm sorry.. I can't help this..” Tristan removed Aoi's shirt, and then his pants. “I'm in heat.. and.. I can't stop this.. I want you..to be my lover!”

Alarm bells went off. He had heard of some Vampires going into heat. Most Vampires did. Aoi never Uked so he wouldn't have even noticed if he did. Then again he was 'young' and didn't know anything about it. Aoi started to cry, just when some one came in and threw Tristan across the room. There was a sound of metal being removed from something.


It was Akira. He was He was martial arts master. They had swords and weapons all over the house.

“... I .. I .. need..” Tristan started to explain himself as Akira held a silver sword at the man.

“Get out.. now.” Akira didn't give Tristan a chance to explain.

Aoi didn't know what happened he couldn't move his head to look, but he heard the door close then Akira was next to him in a flash.

“God love are you ok? Did he touch you?” Akira freaked out over what Aoi looked like. God Aoi wished he could have covered himself, but he couldn't move at all.

It was hours, almost 24 before Aoi could move. The whole time Akira watched over him, with his sword.

Aoi never saw Tristan again. Didn't know what happened to him, or what. He was pretty sure Akira made sure of that.

Then one night, Aoi was out for one of his walks, thinking about Akira, and what had happened with Tristan. What would have happened if Akira didn't show up? Would he be having a baby with Tristan? Would Akira have killed them both?

Then suddenly Aoi's nose came in contact with a cement wall. He tilted his head, and looked around. He had never been here before. Curiosity got the best of him, and with the slightest easy Aoi jumped over the fence, and found a private property. He smiled it was like he just found gold, treasure. He nodded as he pulled out a smoke, and couldn't find light.

“Excuse me.” a very polite elegant voice suddenly was behind him.

Aoi turned around with the smoke hanging from his mouth and grinned. There standing behind Aoi was a tall elegant looking man with the longest black hair he'd ever seen on a person.

“hello, you have a light?” Aoi raised his eye brow, acting like he was completely comfortable and suppose to be there.

“No. i don't have a light.” the man seemed not to be impressed. That Aoi was there, and Aoi shrugged, and continued to look for his lighter. Smiling as he found his lighter and lit up.

“how did you get in here?” the man was so not impressed.

“jumped the fence?” Aoi looked at him like that was the most obvious way and only way possible. “is this your place?”

The rolled his eyes then looked over Aoi “Of course, and I don't generally take to trespassers.”

“well what can i say curiosity is a bitch?” he chuckled, crossing his arms looking over the man again.

The man chuckled and seemed to be surprised that he had smiled. There was a moment of silents. Then the man spoke up again. “I am Asagi, and this is home. Would you like to come in for a while?”

Aoi laughed and held out his hand “Aoi. Pleasure to met you Asagi.” he shrugged “well it's not like I know where I am anyways. Sure why not.”

Asagi looked at Aoi's hand then turned down the path. “this way.”

Aoi raised his eye brow and rolled his eyes, following the man. Then the sooner they got to the massive house Aoi noticed a garden. He finished off his smoke, and stepped out the but.

“Roses?” Aoi asked Asagi as the man begain to open the door.

This seemed to impress the man great. “Yes.. dead of course, being winter, but in spring they will be ready to come back.” the man smiled and held open his door. “this way dear.”

from that day on Asagi and Aoi were two demons working together in mischief. Aoi being the demon, a Vampire, and Asagi a human with a twisted soul. Aoi always stood behind Asagi and healed the wounds of the man that were left on him from friends and lovers he had done to him.

Then one day Asagi brought Aoi to a wedding.

Aoi at this point was losing to his inner demons. Akira was not becoming like Shou. He was never there, but Aoi knew was not because he wanted it. Which made things easier to think it was ok... to be alone.

At the wedding, Aoi met two people.. Huechi, and Ruki. Huechi was just like Aoi at the moment. They trashed the wedding, both being naked the whole time, and talking about sex the whole time.

Then the next time they met, it became a Vampire frenzy... since the three of them were Vampires. Aoi was taken, and so was Ruki. The three of them were horny, and didn't want to cheat. But drinking seemed to be a way to release that sexual tension.

Well one day, Aoi found out just how much he meant to Asagi when the three of them were having a vampire frenzy. Aoi had never seen Asagi so discussed with anything. He called Ruki and him cheaters, but as soon as Aoi shook him off, for not understanding what the nature of a vampire was. Asagi said he would be willing to look it over. Which confused Aoi.

Then the more Aoi became friends with Ruki, the more Asagi showed how much he hated Aoi talking to anyone, but then something happened... to Ruki. His lovers, lover attacked him, and left him for dead. Asagi came to find Aoi and told him what happened. Before Asagi could say more, Aoi was looking for Ruki.

As his friend he was going to stand beside him and kill anything that came between him and his happiness.. but when Aoi got there he was too late. He had found Ruki's body in the rivers edge, dead or dying, he didn't know but there was no life that Aoi could tell form. Some how at that moment Aoi, gave a life of his own to Ruki. Leaving a shadow and himself confused on what happened when Ruki awoke in his arms. From that day there weren't just friends they were brothes. Together they became closer. Aoi became more stable as a person, and he didn't feel alone when his own Daughter was taken by Angels. Which Aoi had never known that Angels and Vampires were at war with one another. He himself had friends that were Angels, now enemies. He lost not only his daughter, but his grand children too.

Aoi was able to pull threw it, only just. But then something happened that tore him into pieces again.

One day Aoi came over to Asagi, expecting Ruki there and they were going to hang out like usual, but.. Ruki wasn't there. Asagi sat in his chair, near the fire. His legs cross, glaring up at Aoi.

“you will not talk to him anymore. I don't think I could handle you being friends with that ... man.” Asagi said with look of such disgust.

Aoi shook his head. Then turned to walk out the door..

“AOI.. if you leave now.. then I'll crash.. and I know i wont be able to recover .. not after you.. not this time.” Asagi shouted out in a desperate haste.
It was then.. when Aoi realized.. he was trapped. Asagi knew Aoi couldn't live with the burden of not saving some one when he could have easily done so.. Aoi died.. that day. Then more and more from that day on.

He had even tried to secretly see Ruki on the side. But there were soon found out and Aoi had to stop Asagi from taking his life. Then it was the longest of times when Aoi hadn't seen Ruki.

No twin... no ruki.. no Akira.. and only Asagi who claimed to be his and Aoi only his.

Then... one day... Aoi snapped. When he got his last message from Akira...he wasn't coming back.. and for him to move on. There would never be us anymore... that was the day Aoi.. let the shadow of himself take over.

Together the two of them walked away from Asagi. The man cursed and threatened, but they didn't care. They buried themselves in darkness untill they found Ruki once more, and found the shit that Asagi had done to him.

Aoi changed his name... and his twin came back...

The long haired brunette sighed. His ass was getting numb and his urning were getting stronger.

“come on, come on, come on, come ON!” the sadistic voice begged, but the long haired man only shook his head

“Iie!! we made a promise! We wait!”


Angel of darkness. part 7

After a long talk with 'himself' the long haired brunette passed out. He didn't notice that the other man had come back and cleaned him up, even changing his clothing which he knew was the others lovers clothing. The smell of the two was all over it. It sickened the man.

“Shou.. I need you to pick up. I need to talk to you.” Aoi's voice was so drained, as he left a message. He couldn't help it. He had been talking to Akira, and to Tristan, and Aoi needed to talk Shou.

The only reason Aoi had even started talking to Akira was because Sugio had come to him telling Aoi how it was all his fault for what happened. Of course Aoi was oblivious to what had happened.

All he knew was from what they talked about the last time Aoi seen him. Aoi told Akira how much he hated him. Hated him for telling him how much he loved him and was with someone else, hated him for making him feel horrible, because he only ever thought about him, and how he, Akira, would go on about how horrible Shou was to him for leaving Aoi always alone, and never there. Basically Aoi blamed Akira for everything, then said how sorry he was for some things, but not everything. He had not seen Akira since then, and was actually starting to worry about him. it had been days since he last seen the man. Which was completely abnormal.

Aoi was sitting in the food court.. waiting. He even bought Akira ice cream, to say he was sorry for what he said. But he never showed. Aoi waited. His daughter had to drag him home each night. Tristan came with him this time. Who hated how much Aoi spent on thinking about the man. Then even more when he didn't show up.

Then Sugio came waltzing up to Aoi and hit him. Not that it hurt the man was so dainty it was like a fly took a swing at him. Of course though Tristan got all territorial on Sugio, he didn't even care that he was in a public place when he snarled at the man.

“Tristan calm down. He knows nothing.” Aoi pushed Tristan back. Then turned to Sugio, with Tristan practically crawling up Aoi's back ready to tare the man apart. “Now.. what the fuck are you talking about Sugio?”

“you bastard! Not only did Akira nearly DIE because of you .. but.. but..” the man broke down crying, Aoi in shock.. what the hell happened? “HE LEFT ME!!” Aoi didn't notice that Sugio was on the floor crying his heart out. It was like that was the push button to a bomb and Aoi shoot off, with Tristan confused yelling and chasing after him. Aoi didn't know where Akira lived at the time, so he tried at the hospital. If what Sugio said was true thats were he would find him.

“excuse me?..”Aoi nearly dead from running, Tristan calling him a baka when they could have taken the car. “Excuse.. me..?”

“who are you looking for?” the nurse finally answered.

“A-Akira,” Aoi was ready to fall over.

“Last name please.” the woman didn't even look up at them.

Aoi didn't know Akira's last name
“Last name...” she finally looked up, getting annoyed.

Aoi shook his head. “I-I..”


It was Akira. He was being wheeled out by a nurse, and Aoi's eyes widened

“OH MY GOD!!! AKIRA!!” he was shushed by the nurses around him, as he slowly approached Akira, who tried to get up out of the wheel chair.

“I'm fine! Really.. they.. “he fought with the nurse to get up.

“Akira.. sit down. I'll take him.” Akira didn't fight Aoi but flushed, as he came around and took over. “where are we going?”

“We?” Akira kept his head down
“That's right.. we!” Aoi smiled lightly. With Tristan growling behind him.

“I'll see you later Aoi.” Tristan kept his head down and walked away.

“Tri-” Aoi couldn't say anything as the man nearly ran out the door. He looked down at Akira who was looking up at him. “where to?”

Aoi took Akira home. They didn't talk much. Just directions to his place. Then when they got there, Aoi took into the house. Akira tried so hard to do things with out Aoi's help.

“LOOK! I can do it!” he growled at Aoi, even though he was human.

“NO YOU LOOK!” Aoi got up in the mans face “You're hurt, and I know it was because of me! So shut up and sit down and let me take care of you!”

Akira's eyes widened. “how.. who..it's not.. it was mine.. I got drunk, and ....” Akira went quiet. “then I got hit by a car. BUT it wasn't your fault I drank and-”

“Because of what I said.. Sugio told me..” Aoi let the man sit down. “Akira...” Aoi looked down knelling in front of him.

“Aoi.. I understand that.. you love Shou.” Akira ran his none broken arm threw Aoi's hair, as he shook his head. “we can still be friends.. and..”

before Akira could say anything Aoi kissed him. Which shocked Akira. He pulled the man away, after he realized what they were doing.

“Aoi.. Aoi.. please I don't .. want to be the reason for you cheating on Sho-”

“I've been trying to break up with him for the last month.” Aoi was crying. He couldn't look at the man. Aoi hated crying, and he was so frustrated now with Akira saying this after everything he said before after everything he knew now.. he got up from the man and walked away.

“Aoi... AOI!!” Akira got up to chaise after Aoi. Aoi didn't run he actually caught Akira, not wanting him to get hurt anymore than he was. “Aoi... I wanna be the only one feeling your touches, your kisses. I don't want any one holding you like I do ! I don't wanna loose you to someone. I hope I am worthy of you love and I hope I am the only one to LOVE you. you might think I am selfish ... maybe I am but I just ...can't.. can't.... stand the thought not having you..i want you to know your in my heart and even though we are apart your always in my heart!”

Aoi wrapped his arms around the man and whispered “you're always in my heart and no matter what you're always in my thoughts!! every time some one calls, or calls out to me I always hope it was you! I'm so sorry.. for what I said.. I..”

Akira pulled away and placed his bruised none broken fingers against Aoi's lips. “It's ok..” Akira smiled “stay with me tonight?”

Aoi nodded and kissed Akira. Akira winced and tried to cover it up

“Don't act so manly let me take care of you” Aoi smiled taking the man to his bed, and took care of him.

Shou eventually called Aoi, telling him he was in a car accident. His leg was still broken, and he knew about Akira and him.

Aoi didn't ever see Shou again. He disappeared, then a week later, he was found dead. He died from his broken leg. They missed a piece of shattered bone, it flowed up the blood stream, creating a poison that spread quickly and killed him.

Aoi was devastated when he found out, and was alone for it. Akira was not there at that time, and wasn't back for two days after. Which felt like a life time.

But...Tristan was there..

....for Aoi...

“do you like your clothes? They look very good on y-”

“They belong to your lover, and I'm not him... so I'd get you a shovel but” the long haired brunette chuckled, as he jiggled his arms showing he was bond up

“Well, just be great full!” the other man was irritated again. “you know..I'll keep you here till you come around my love” the man smiled stroking a long pail finger along the long haired brunettes jaw. The long haired brunette growled and managed to hurt himself as he jerked away from the mans finger.



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